transformation spell.

a green
spiraling
snake
lived
on
my
chest
all
night;

when
I
awoke,
nothing
was
the
same.

I
had
Remembered
myself
again.

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48 acts of lusciousness.

want to make your life more luscious? These are some ideas I wrote down that I can turn to when I need help embodying my 2019 focus 
word “lush,” which helps me connect more deeply with my life 
on a daily basis, and helps me go from my head (overthinking
mode) to connecting with my senses and my heart as an avenue
to deeper spiritual connection.


  • Get up an hour before anyone else. Make tea. Practice gratitude. Stretch. Breathe and watch the change of the morning light.
  • Give thanks before eating.
  • Ask my spiritual guides for help in the midst of challenge.
  • Guided meditation. (I love Boho Beautiful’s guided meditations on YouTube)
  • Write and draw a bit every day.
  • Practice ukulele every day.
  • Meditate, draw, and play music WITH my daughter. Do yoga WITH my daughter. Include her in my interests.
  • Learn one new hoop trick a week.
  • Bring my art supplies and my oracle cards to work and use them between calls.
  • Go for a walk in the park more days than not.
  • Collect sticks and rocks to decorate with my daughter.
  • Read inspiring books.
  • Invite friends to hang out with my daughter and I (don’t assume people don’t want to hang out with a four year old).
  • Hang out with inspiring and active people.
  • Drink herbal infusions.
  • Eat mostly whole foods.
  • Read to Luna before bed.
  • Sing before bed (before Luna and with my self)
  • Go on a hike with Luna once a month.,
  • Ecstatically dance.
  • Say no to that which drains my energy in destructive ways.
  • Say yes to that which feeds my soul.
  • Ask thought-provoking questions of myself and others; things like: “What’s the strangest thing that’s ever happened to you?” “What mundane act feels like a spiritual experience?” “What inspires you?” “What’s the hardest thing you’ve experienced, that ended up leading to something beautiful?”
  • Log out of social media. Stay logged out for at least a month at a time. Continue being logged out for as long as it feels freeing.
  • Get a window shelf. Learn how to grow plants. Start with easy-to-care herbs, houseplants, and simple greens like lettuce.
  • Fast periodically (in healthy, well-researched ways).
  • Take candlelit baths weekly, with bubble bath or bath bombs.
  • Wear beautiful clothes that are also comfy and practical.
  • Take a dance class.
  • Take an art class.
  • Go to poetry slams.
  • Go to pools, and open gym days at gymnastics centers for kids.
  • Speak the truth around the children (don’t assume they won’t understand)
  • Go see live music, with or without Luna.
  • Do low-key guerrilla art.
  • Urban wildcraft.
  • Pick wildly growing “weeds” and herbs, use as bouquets.
  • Buy flowers just because.
  • Use beautiful notebooks.
  • Use beautiful pens.
  • Hold potluck inspiration evenings, where everyone brings a favorite dish and something that inspires them.
  • Call my siblings just to say hi.
  • Once a day, stand with arms wide open.
  • Listen to music that enlivens the body, heart, and soul.
  • Lean against tree trunks and breathe quietly.
  • Believe in the spirit of nature.
  • Spend time in nature alone.
  • Stargaze. Tell stories about the stars.

What can you do to make your life more luscious?

2019 focus word.

Every year, I choose a focus word to set my intention for the year. That focus word ends up becoming a theme for the following twelve months; it shapes my experiences and acts as an arrow in the bountiful light, and as a lantern when my path plunges into darkness, into the valley of my own shadow.

Last year, my word was “goddess,” which helped me to learn that connecting with divinity isn’t simply about ecstasy; it is about connecting with even the rage and the madness and the grief that goddesses go through in their own stories. It is about knowing oneself as one knows the night and the day: not hating some traits and preferring others, but rather accepting, loving, and embracing both as vital parts of life, and moving through them with ease, as Persephone does between earth and the underworld.

In 2017, my word was “self-love.” It was a word that led to me going on a three day, three night vision fast in the mountains, it led to my relationship with my daughter’s father transforming from domestic partnership to a co-parenting friendship, it led to me cleaning up my diet, and it put me on the path to greater self-awareness. It also gave me a deeper understanding of what self-love truly means: it’s not all bubble baths and lazy Sundays. It’s also looking critically at the parts of our lives (inner and outer) that are no longer serving our growth or the growth of the other people involved, and replacing those parts with things that do serve us and all involved.


Normally, I choose a focus word for my year before the new year even starts. But, deep in grief, my word for 2019 could not find me; I wasn’t listening to anything but the earthquakes in my chest.

Finally, nearly two months after the beginning of the new year (and three months after one of my best friends died) and a night before snow began to fall on this Oregon city, my word came to me: lush.

Lush as in beneficial growth.

Lush as in slowness that is not stasis but is, rather, rich with meaning, mindfulness, and possibility.

Lush as in vivid sensory moments. As in not a moment wasted. Every moment noticed and appreciated for the lusciousness it holds.

Lush as in the mundane becoming magical.

Lush as in living my life like I’m in a Hayao Miyasaki film:

Lush as in a focus on beauty regardless, or because of, circumstance.


As with my past focus words, this word will be both a question and an answer given to myself on a regular basis:

What can I do to make this situation more lush, 
more meaningful, more beautiful, more in service to my growth?

Embody lusciousness. Engage the senses in vivid and 
sacred ways. Let the material lead to the spiritual,
by appreciating the world as it is,
not as my mind thinks it should be —
yet, not being too attached to it.
Lush, not as an end goal, but rather — 
as an avenue to Spirit.


This year, the year I descend from my head into my body.

Into my heart. My gut. My womb.

The year I am not wishing: the year I am doing. The year I am loving. The year I am passion, peace, grounding, and creation all at the same time: the year I am like a deeply rooted, steadily growing plant. Every day worthwhile. Every day making a life.

Because nature does not hurry. Nature doesn’t overthink or over-analyze.

Nature grows. Lets go of what no longer serves. Rests. Then grows some more.

Lush as in nature. Lush as in

me.


waiting for miracles.

inspired by the writings of Charles DeLint

I’m waiting for who I was
to catch up to who I’ll be,
and waiting for miracles
to arise from the liminal streets.

I’m waiting for miracles
to arise from the liminal streets,
and waiting for remembrance
to illuminate the spirit within me.

I’m waiting for remembrance
to illuminate the spirit within me,
and waiting for absurd good news
to remind how magical the world can be.

I’m waiting for absurd good news
to remind how magical the world can be,
and waiting for who I was
to catch up to who I’ll be.

I’m waiting for miracles
to arise from the liminal streets,
and beginning again to think

that the creation of miracles
is actually up to me.

intention.

more lush

give me more

candle light curling tea steam

on rainy evenings

more depth

breathing liminal light shadows

where the dawn beckons

more vibrancy

green growing dying colorful things

in the sweet daylight

more spirit

laughing crying dancing incense moon

at sacred midnight

give me more

more

pause

more

center

more

creation

more

more

more

lush

in the

chaos

of

this one spiraling

fractal

beautiful terrible

life.


raven fly over the mountains.

This week, a friend let me borrow his ukulele. A song, based on a poem I wrote, has been drifting along in my head and I decided to attempt to put it to chords and a melody. The following video is my unedited, unpracticed rough draft of the song, flaws and all. I’m looking forward to playing with it more and polishing it up.

I’ve been wanting to learn how to play an instrument for many years, but insecurity always got in the way. This past year, I’ve learned so much about myself that I’m no longer willing to let insecurity stop me from doing the things my soul longs to do; finally picking up an instrument and writing songs is something that I’ve longed to do and never allowed myself.

That changes this year.

gratitude on a misty February morning.

I am grateful
for the cold February morning
that wakes me too early,
because the quickening light asks
for my breath and presence.

I am grateful
for the inhalation of the
gifts of the directions:
I call into myself
inspiration, creative action,
courage and determination,
grounding, community,
and connection,
guidance and nurturing.

I am grateful
for the exhalation of that
which I desire to let go of:
anxiety, fear, laziness, loneliness,
isolation.

I am grateful
for possibility.
For the vast choices
before me.
For the ability
to surrender to
the choice that will lead me
to my highest purpose.

I am grateful
for the flux and flow
of my breath.
For the
Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo
centering and calming
me, yet also
inciting peaceful action.

I am grateful
for the sun
dissipating
the mist outside.

It is calling to me.


re-Connection.

We Remember ourselves
through our connections,

like these windswept dunes in sunlight
joyful crashing waves
dripping rainbow moss sunset

and these people
made of dreams
stitched together with hope
illuminated by surrender.

I Remember myself
where boundaries dissolve.

Soak me in tenderness.
Dance me with love.
Together, we Remember ourselves.